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Before the Rite (Instrumental)

by Thornsilver Hollysong

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1.
The Winter King (Instrumental) 04:49
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The Winter King At dusk by the window of my cottage By Her cauldron as it bubbles full of stars My pen scribbles poems, praying homage On my skin, purple passion over scars Well met by pale moon, elusive Sire! O Belov'd, from an Age and World unknown! I see Granny wink beside Her fire "He rides and searches for His own." How now, Faery King? Hear the icy bells ring! You smile, mysterious--then haunted, I sing Bright hair flowing white On Your mantle of night! Kind ghost of the grave when Your wintry fangs bite... He's changing His antlers for a musical Horn. "O come, sweet child Come brave the wild! You'll hear the Call, in a dream beguiled And I'll be your Patron, in Life and in Art! Come drink of My brew, and pour out your heart." I said, "Surely if I meet the Lord of Annwn I'd fear to make Him angry, for I'm weak!" The nameless Winter King with pumpkin lantern He's gentle and delights to let me speak. I said, "I'll find His name its proper spelling!" An awenydd, she told me of her Craft. I recognized her stories, heart upwelling-- I blushed: "So now you tell me?" and He laughed. Red leaves swirl around And they dream underground! That land long since lost--could it ever be found? I dream in the mist By the Otherworld kissed-- The Bard's inspiration, the Witch's raised fist! Are You the deep Dreamer my queer anthems called? "Not fatherless But Mine to bless! I give your tears My tenderness! I came without herald, a faery, a shade But you're starting to get it, belov'd, unafraid!" They told me the Cauldron is Ceridwen's womb How can words so deep leave me so disconnected? He shimmers like starlight in nightmist and gloom Enfolding my spirit, a secret protected. "The Gods are not cis, So I'm giving you this: Imagine My womb, the galactic abyss! The stars spill and shine From a body like thine! I'll gather you home with the souls that are Mine." (No sting for the grave if You call me away!) O bright Winter King! Call the blossoms You bring! Whenever You're here, then I know why I sing. Invoke and aspire-- Let me dance 'round Your fire! I treasured Your Name ere I knew it, sweet Sire! O bright Winter King! Bright Winter King! O bright Winter King! Bright Winter King!
2.
He Haunts the Deep (Instrumental) 03:54
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He Haunts the Deep Sleepless nights I tremble-- There's a Name I'm scared to whisper. Phosphor's green blue shimmer Lights the stars in dark abysses! Keep feeling like I'm falling In the ocean deep of You! The waves forever calling When they surge abyssal blue... And You keep winding inky coils 'round my soul and heart and skin-- Hear You humming at the Door where glowing trenches pull me in... Siren Fae who haunts the Deep. And suddenly You've turned into the ocean Where luminescent shadows pull me down! Galactic lights of crystal scatter broken-- Aching with Your beauty, let me drown! Deep down Deep down Moonless nights I shiver Down at mirrored blackness staring-- The unicorns flow hither On the sparkling tides of Faerie! Think we met once in my dreaming Then I lost You when I woke. Fey Death, His bones agleam-- But You were gentle when we spoke. Then I knew, whoever You were, I'd chase You down through mist and shade! But I'm the one whose hunted still, when dreams and memory fade... How I searched the starless Void! I wonder why You've turned into the ocean? Whose luminescent shadows pull me down? Encircling my madness when I'm broken-- Weeping at Your beauty, let me drown! Deep down! Take me down... And Death was gowned in midnight and His kindness cast out fear. I hear the mermaids whispering, "The Faery King is here!" And Winter found me mourning, And I melted in His ocean, in His heart Salt tears returning To the brine, where ancient tendrils pierce the dark! And I am Yours, Abyssal King. My deep fae God has turned into the ocean-- His luminescent shadows pull me down... Your Name enchants my heart, its curses broken! Dreaming of Your beauty, let me drown! Deep down, Call me down...
3.
Echoes of Arlael (Instrumental) 03:44
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Echoes of Arlael Rain Splashes silver tonight A whisper of Myst'ry's delight! Unearthly twilight Pane Of the window's red glass My dark roses watch sorrow pass The bells at witch mass... I'm watching Uelani Let fall Her sparkling veils She's Time, forever dancing Though Her circling fairytales! My God, He gave me frankincense "It isn't time to die. With true love's kiss I wake the prince I named for a misty sky." I'm safe where vine-twined archways arc Bejeweled with rainbow dew Black roses for the Star-King's mark-- I want to dance with You! Years Pass--I watch Starlight shine First face of the Horned who was mine His wings make thorns twine! Tears That a King kissed away Who, veiling His name, heard me pray On Faerie's star-way. It rains like Uelani When I'm dreaming of Arlael Feel Winter re-enchanting me-- He haunts this fairytale! My God, the face of moonwild night Reminds me of that Star Who lit the world with otherlight And walks on dreampaths far! You're so much like Arlaen lore My Winter Faery King And all the dreams I've dreamt before To Annwn's cauldron bring-- To Pen Annwn's cauldron bring! Arlael is a dreamscape in my music and my soul! I think You'd feel at home there, where Rivarwe's star-bells toll-- I feel Your awen flowing in Arlael's many streams! And You know how it feels to hold a world of ancient dreams! My God, He brings back winter rains To make the desert bloom! I wander out on faery lanes To seek the mystic's doom. I wonder where I'm going now To write and sing and know? But You, the King of starbound brow I feel You, down below.
4.
Dreams of the Owl (Instrumental) 04:07
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Dreams of the Owl In a bookstore full of witches, could I find another pendant? Which symbol sings of Him, so bright in silver shade resplendent? For the tree blooms underground And the ravens circle 'round And I'm crazy like His owl! But still the owl, she's Your attendant And You're not afraid of madness. Why are You digging in the garden where the roses blossom red? I see the ravens picked them clean, this Ancient's bony head Which You cradle in Your hands, my gentle Reaper of the Dead! Was She the Lady sleeping, when we stood beside Her bed? "The Mother of the Cosmos," came His lone sepulchral whisper-- I asked "Is She the Goddess?" But there's nothing else He said. "The God of sleepless nights," I whisper, lost in darkling hours... Dream a room of ancient magic, full of books like wizard towers! Red roses line the box Where Death His cradle rocks And the owl makes this her home In Winter's never fading flowers-- Will You hold me as I slumber? There is a golden orange ocean, where Du wades on hooves of jet! I sink in silver grace, in tides of beauty you beget... "I am the holly witch of Winter, red as blood with piercing bite And we shall keep and love you," came His voices in the night. "Are You the whole of Annwn?" Hear my haunted mortal whisper! He told me, "I am Annwn, cauldron's darkness, mystic Light." I can't tell you why I'm grinning, Holding secrets tight within-- But I think you'd take the meaning Of my plans for Halloween: I wrote my God a dedication--His I choose to stay! And songs unsung for anyone will bubble on my tongue! (But afterwards, you'll never shut me up.) Here in the desert, in October, I can feel the Winter stir! I've always thought You're kinder, never knowing who You were For the verdant rains return As the blood red branches burn-- And I wear Your crazy owl To remind me, when I'm wild You love me even so.
5.
Weeping For Orddu (Instrumental) 04:04
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Weeping For Orddu In the gloom, in my room, Hold my cinnamon broom And I weep for the Witch in her black, black tomb. At Your shrine, God of mine, In the mists where You shine See her bones in the rocks of the Valley's spine There’s no peace as she's slain And my heart is cleft in twain! Through the uplands of Hell bleeds a red, red stain. I see You in the shadows of the steeple "They're devils, all!" the abbot's warnings tell Stealing ancient stories from Your people Divinity sent packing off to Hell! Arise! You sound Your horn, my God of Witches! The Light who lights the Deep with ancient song! Soon Arthur's court will crumble with its riches The shadows of the dusk are growing long. Stone and bone, left alone, Was her path like my own? And her fierce wise old eyes are the eyes of the Crone As You ride by his side, King's own knight where You hide Did You come here to gather her soul as she died? Summer's heat, Winter's cold Does he rule the Gods of old? Will You tell me the truth of the stories they told? I see You riding out from othered Faerie Your torches light the moon on Halloween! You ride across the churchyards where they bury Your people, since we've lost Annwfn's sheen-- But when I hear Your Horn, you're so familiar! I long to join Your Hunt, by witch's broom! You lead me to the Valley where they killed her And wordless, watch me weep by Orddu's tomb. The King's bells toll Gwyn rest your soul I wish you peace, and be safe and whole! In deep, deep dark He lights one spark My soul as a Witch of His own to mark. "There's nothing you can do but wish her well." I see You pour the awen as I'm kneeling! It feels just like the painting "Accolade," My pathway as Your awenydd revealing-- I'm here by all the songs I've ever made! So give me wings to journey into Faerie And fins to swim the Deep that is Your Heart! Enfold me like the spirits that You carry Bright Kindler of my music and my art!
6.
Not Michaelmas (Instrumental) 04:55
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Not Michaelmas In the circle all around me they can feel his light and heat That fierce and holy Angel as the sage is burning sweet! But suddenly I startle when they say "Saint Michaelmas," Remembering the King deep in His castle carved of glass. They're feasting for Saint Michael as the summer turns to fall But he deposed my God back when they Christianized them all! For I'm a lonely pagan in a Spiritualist church And when they call their saint, I whisper "Gwyn," and something hurts. They are gathered without judgement-- Good and bad, He takes them all. No I don't believe in sinners Cast from Eden at the Fall! She hands out angel prayer cards-- Michael blazes, radiant-- But, thinking of Gwyn's Feast Day, I say, "Thank you, but I can't." My friend, he said some pagans honor Arthur and his lore-- I started then, and realized I had wanted that before. I dreamed of meeting spirits from the tales my mother told Of ladies in their towers, and the shining knights of old! But Arthur's slaying Giants, with Gwyn's hunting Horn in hand And he's locking up a Goddess from Her Gods who wed the land! And as we speak of Arthur, in a Spiritualist church I know I cannot "call on him someday," and something hurts. And it feels like finding queerness Like a terrifying spell, Like hearing from a loved one "They'll be just like you in Hell." It feels just like the violence I've seen Empires impart-- And I'm a witch devoted To the Otherworld's own Heart...! Alone I strayed away to pray-- While Winter sleeps I have to weep! Although I know I could never stay My world of old was rooted deep. Then Someone whispered, "Do you grieve For wounds and dreams you had to leave? That I have made Myself your Way? For bonds it kills your soul to keep?" I called His name, my Faery King: "For Gwyn I'd give up everything! Let Winter wake, my heart to take! Return--the fields are Yours to reap!" I feel like such a stranger, a Brythonic witch alone But I would never change it, that You called me for Your own! With eyes like burning coals, I feel Your Spirit in the drums! Let's see what kind of marvelous this mystery becomes! I hold this season sacred as the summer turns to fall-- O mirrored silver Moon, I'm sure He's fairest of them all! And I learned something precious in that Spiritualist Church: I'll follow You, Pen Annwn, to the darkness when it hurts. And I want to keep Your Feast Day In what humble ways I can. Your wisdom and Your kindness I'd embody as a man! And You will be my Teacher On the ways so long untrod And I will learn to trust You As we journey here, my God.
7.
The Red Rose (Instrumental) 03:42
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The Red Rose In that fortress there's a battle Smoke and ash and flame and cold despair-- Where distant tremors rattle Fallen bones, I hide behind my hair Then brighter than an angel He comes striding in, that stranger! Kneeling down, he murmurs "Child Won't you come?" And then he smiled And the child stared in wonderment So utterly beguiled For it seemed that clouds of dust had rent For moonlight fae and wild. I see the red rose blooming Lost in miles of starlit snow! Entombing me, it can't consume The Rose that blazes here below In Annwn, where Midwinter dwells-- The Life among the dead! He blooms, this hellish church enspelling Bright undying red! In a locked room there's a table Where I'm writing lines with blood for ink The Christ seems only able Just to pull me from the tortured brink-- He bursts in like a demon-- "I am here to claim her, Jesus! For I am Lord of Faerie And her soul shall thither carry. " He's come like big damn heroes do To rescue grief I bury? He said, "Don't cry--I'm here for you. My world shall make you merry." I see the red Rose blooming Where the thorny briars rise, Entombing me in spellbound doom As moonlit mist enshrouds the skies In Annwn, where Midwinter shines-- The Life among the dead! He blooms, the gates with rosevines twining Deep undying red! In Annwn, bright with Mystery! In Annwn, where He dreams, Below the dark Abyssal Sea Alight with faery gleams... One Rose for death and sorrow-- He's the Deity I follow! He's the bolt that strikes the Tower Here to break the tyrant's power! That thorny Rose whose Name I hold Still burns, this deepest hour-- Where stars and snow shine icy cold There's one eternal flower. I see the red Rose blooming When the Solstice stretches long, Entombing Earth--my witch's broom Beside the door, I give my song To Annwn, where Midwinter reigns-- The Life among the dead! He blooms, the chains of crystal staining Fierce undying red!
8.
Annwn's Door (Instrumental) 03:31
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Annwn’s Door In halls of onyx stone I cross to meet You, throned alone I wonder why deep red Drips darkly down Your steady head? You're silent in Your chair I hold that heavy stare With such a wound, a lesser Lord might waver in despair! It hits me, in a flood What spilled the Other's blood-- I've never feared Excalibur, but now my heartbeats thud! For I am queer, like You are Fae And they would burn us both away! Beneath the blade of Thisworld's kings I know I'd lose my faery wings! Then heal Your witch, and hear Your bard!-- I see the lands and people scarred. I'll help You open Annwn's Door! I want a revolution, not a war. In halls of glass and steel You hold me when I feel unreal My hand (against me) stayed, I feel You take the jaded blade. Derealize--no one's there I strain towards despair But feel the God of maddened poets carding through my hair I'm sinking in the mud Too deep for grief to flood I feel You pierce my heart, to drink my spirit or my blood O othered heart, my God is queer Who led His faery changeling here! Beneath Your shadow, Annwn's King I reach towards You, trembling! Why is healing wounds so hard? I think my soul's forever scarred! O Dreamer, open Annwn's Door! And teach us all the dreams we dreamt before...! Abyssal Dreamer, once I called You, In my revolution singing! Just one moment You enthralled me Ancient Haunter of the Deep-- Your wide eyed bard, I couldn't name You Nor the seachange You were bringing Out of Annwn, here to claim me Singing hymns to pierce Your sleep... For I am queer, like You are Fae And they would burn us both away! Beneath the blade of Thisworld's kings I know I'd lose my faery wings! Then heal Your witch, and hear Your bard!-- I give my soul, so deeply scarred. O Dreamer, open Annwn's Door-- I want a revolution, not a war!
9.
Keep Me Safe (Instrumental) 04:56
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Keep Me Safe Once on a street aglow with mansions All the windows sparkling gold Where stars lit up their faery lanterns To watch the festive night turn cold, I saw You walking there Beside a child You'd stop to carry! But I couldn't find a song then, lost like moonlight in Your silver hair. I'm outside as they celebrate I'm outside Thisworld's feasts-- The Christmas trees they decorate The hymns they sing at Easter! Too Other in anxiety Too poor and goth and queer! In desecrated piety I feel You getting nearer... All fearsome, fae and eerie With a lullaby to quiet me. My heart's a little boy You hold I wonder why I'm five years old? Are You the King from Faerie wild Who's come to take Your changeling child? You smile then: "I'll keep you safe." My tears before Your kindness chafe The scars of ancient memories And glossy mansions turn to living trees. I'm sure that everything is scary! Every breath will hurt too much. If I'm the boy I've seen You carry Why am I flinching at Your touch? Please soothe him if You can For You can hum the night enchanted! "I see that little boy, however long your human decades span." I'm out of steps to run away, I'm out of tears to cry! Become Your little one and pray Your mercy, Lord and Sire! You promised that You'd lead me not To ruin and despair! I crash against You, bleeding, caught By One who holds all Faerie! (And from the tomb unbury What I once by desperate need forgot.) The Rider mounts His sea-black Steed To seek the souls from graveyards freed!-- But shows me, in a secret nest A tiny bird against His breast. He smiles then: "I'll keep you safe." My tears before His kindness chafe The scars from all my enemies-- Beneath His spear, they feed the living trees! Where ravens hop on the gravestone There I see Him kneeling, bright on earth so black! The worn engraving Flashes silver at His touch and-- Hear it crack! I cry when sunlight burns So the Moon enfolds my soul in misty wings... O bring me home, Where yearning dares not speak of dreams to which it clings! He told me, "I will break the curse And light your heart's deep Universe! This haunted circle, spinning round Becomes a spiral, anchored Underground And I will keep you safe." I cry--those tender words still chafe My scars, in all these melodies I give to You beneath the living trees.
10.
Fairytale (Instrumental) 03:58
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Fairytale Follow Grandmother's thread-- Roses crackle on Her fire! And I knew as I read She was sacred in that spire! Once I sat beside my Sire And His hearth-flames blossomed red And He said, "Your heart's desire To Myself it finally led." And I said, "What! Were You the Queen Who taught the child of things unseen?" I dare to dream that deeper truth Could haunt me even in my youth...! "She taught the mystic how to know The voice of God--was that our story?" "In Her otherworldly glory I was calling, long ago." It feels just like a fairytale-- The kind I thought I'd lost. Too tragic, and my heart too frail For magic--that's abuse's cost. My Faery King, I almost can't Believe You've been here all this time Beguiled as You re-enchant The child smeared with churchyard grime! Just yet I cannot tell You that I've always felt Your Call But all the things I've ever loved--in You I see them all. When they danced underground Royal sisters, never sleeping! I don't know what they found Their enchanted secrets keeping. They take hands, around me leaping And I count them, boy and girl With my heart's strange rainbows seeping Into mists of moon and pearl... "Take hands and dance with Me tonight!" (The prince's King, my soul's Delight) "Like you, My Otherworld is queer And so of course you'd find Me here." I watch the gold and silver trees Across the lake, their jewels reflected-- To the standing stones connected I feel ancient roots unfreeze. It feels just like a fairytale-- The kind I thought I'd lost. Too tragic, and my heart too frail For magic--that's abuse's cost. My Faery King, I almost can't Believe You've been here all this time Beguiled as You re-enchant The child smeared with churchyard grime! Just yet I cannot tell You that I've always felt Your Call But all the things I've ever loved--in You I see them all. I see the maiden tearful When the music's too damn loud! In the church she's twirling, fearful-- Her abusers fill the crowd. And she could not have seen the King-- He's watching, grim as death. Respite from this burning bring Beneath Your wintry breath! The fog that clouds my memories Obscured the King of Mist. It feels just like a fairytale-- The kind I thought I'd lost. Too tragic, and my heart too frail For magic--that's abuse's cost. My Faery King, I almost can't Believe You've been here all this time Beguiled as You re-enchant The child smeared with churchyard grime! Just yet I cannot tell You that I've always felt Your Call But all the things I've ever loved--in You, my God, I see them all.
11.
For the Holly King (Instrumental) 04:48
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For the Holly King Like blood on blackened earth, O Tree of Life, I know your Name! You're cinnamon in winter And my Lord, He burns the same. Your blessing for my name That Calan Gaeaf's Eve shall bring! For I'm the bard who sings his songs before the Holly King As blackthorns drink my blood Whereon bewitching berries cling! Then He said with just one glance "That's not the song you need to write, Although my Holly Tree enchants you As we wait for that holy night, For I can see your haunted rage-- I think you've lost it in the mist." But it's been drenched in mud for ages!-- On the ground I pound my fist And with a scream over Annwn Weep, "How dare they call me 'miss'!" My blood, as red as poison Splashes down the deep Abyss Where the Holly haunts my anger-- See Him tall as glacial ice! Rough and cold, this stony table And I ask, "Am I Your sacrifice?" And realize with a chill, I wouldn't mind it if I were. "I don't know where that came from." And He watched without a word And I could almost understand Him Like my heart, so long unheard! "I've given You my terror-- Claim that dark and thorny throne!" For I'm the witch and awenydd whose soul is Yours alone! Look up--Your shadow falls Across my face on ancient stone... "The riders, here they come." And all their songs were numinous Hear them drumming without number "Now my Rain belongs to us." And I quickly wave and grin-- A little boy on Father's knee! As the serpent stirs within me-- Shut my eyes and set him free And with a scream over Annwn I can grieve the years I lost. My blood pours out like poison Holly red, unchilled by frost! And the Holly King rose higher And He said, "I understand Queer pain and queer desire." And again He takes His lost boy's hand But this time I can name Him who has haunted me so long. Old Lady Moon Knows I vow to Him soon! I've been waiting all summer That night's almost here! And I scream over Annwn Bleeding, pierced by witch's thorn! You're the red of the berries And dark branches they adorn. So my Tree of Life is Holly-- Nothing else could ache so true! And it pierces sweet and holy Deep the roots that lead me down to You! "Dw i’n perthyn gyda chi, fy Nuw ac yw chi’n perthyn gyda fi."
12.
Season of Apples (Instrumental) 03:28
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Season of Apples The roses in our flower bed They bloom as sweet as apples. Delicious golden purple red! This cottage makes me happy. Paring red to white, You hum-- The kitchen window holds Your eyes. You let this house of fear become A haven where my horror dies! Our orchard could have oranges or apricots or pears-- "I really just want apples." "Then I will plant you apples." "The apple is our season." I don't really understand? No thank you, pomegranates--there's a Lord in Faeryland Who filled my cup with cider from His Cauldron full of song! These orchards filled with fruit trees all to Winter's King belong. "This house is for My witch to dwell In deep red shade of apples! So stir your cauldron, speak your spell-- The hearth burns sweet and happy. Where Inspiration streams in gold Brown branches tap against green glass! You're dreaming of the Winter's cold-- Hold fast! a few more nights shall pass. Then one time in a lifetime I shall consecrate your tongue." Cut apples look like blossoms! "Eat them and remember." The apple is our season Filled with Halloween's warm spice! The Faery King comes closer--feel His poet's brew entice The awenydd who promised Him myself forever more! In seven nights I'm vowing to the God I most adore! You're growing like my apple tree! Mysterious Your branches bloom And one red Rose they've given me For Faerie's path in star-strewn gloom. "Roses twine your cottage and the orchard's almost grown! My trees shall give you apples for as long as you're My own." The apple is our season! I daydream of that night I'm giving Gwyn my soul for to inspire and delight! And then in winter feasting, I'll tell my friends at last And maybe we'll have apples on the altar as we cast Our magick and devotion! And I hear my King's fae laughter.
13.
The Crescent Moon (Instrumental) 02:39
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The Crescent Moon The Maiden on the crescent moon Enchants my bedroom wall. I told Her, Winter's coming soon To frost the blazing Fall! "I guess You've waited every year Since seasons first began?" I shiver as He's getting near, My heart His starry candle. I'm waiting with the Faerie Queen Come gloss the world with snow-white sheen! Her millionth, and my first, we yearn: Let Annwn's Dreaming King return! Her waning moonbeams glimmer white She's waiting for All Hallow's Night! I know She knows how keen the time I wait for icy bells to chime...! By snow-white ship on void black sea Bright star upon His brow The King comes to His Queen and me He rules the season now! She gave me Faerie's moonwhite stone As days and branches thin! I'm trembling in every bone I feel the breath of Winter! The Faerie Queen, She's going home! Through midnight waves She cards Her comb! Nos Galan Gaeaf's fires burn: Let Annwn's Dreaming King return! I've never welcomed Him till now-- I'm waiting, keen to make my vow! But She, in eerie loveliness Shines down, my yearning dreams to bless. And I couldn't understand Her, for She spoke in Annwn's tongue Of Time in ageless cycles, ever old and always young! I thanked Her for protecting me, until I heard Their call The Maiden in the crescent moon, the Faery on my wall. The Faerie Queen, I see Her smile-- She keeps me company awhile! A million times, the first I learn: Let Annwn's Dreaming King return! Black branches lace the snow-white sky I hear the ravens' lullaby! Come keep the Cauldron simmering!-- We're waiting for the Faery King.
14.
Vigil (Instrumental) 03:31
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Vigil There's a tree by the bathtub growing As He pours warm water on my head... Is it strange to see the rafters snowing As the Holly splashes bright red? I'm watching Him slumber Under snow as clear as glass... I'm waiting in wonder While these last few midnights pass! "Will you give your love to wake the One who's dreaming in the Deep? Give Him back the kiss that woke the rose-twined prince asleep." In silence keep my vigil For my God, O holy night! In Faerie, awen's sigil On my arm burns brilliant white. My Deity is calling And I'll give Him everything!-- My fragile spirit falling Deep within the Faery King! By the red hearth He's silhouetted And I go to kneel by His knee. I'm a blade by the brimstone whetted! And His smile seems lost in mystery. I'm watching Him slumber As He teaches me His ways... I've waited all Summer For He'll douse golden blaze! "Do you surrender all you are: Desire, Dream, and Art?" I see Him hold the silver chain that winds around my heart. Entombed in frozen castle Can You hear me as You rest? I want to be Your vassal! (I've prepared my very best!) As Autumn leaves start falling Where the final blossoms cling-- My soul forever thralling To the Winter Faery King! "Awenydd, keep all these Mysteries holy! Radiant Universe haunted Below... Know Me forever, the Light of your Cosmos! Love Me, and drink of the red burning Rose." Before that vow full claims me At the threshold I'm alone. The Rose of Him Who names me Is the God I've always known! Like a toddler I'm crawling All my brokenness to bring In solemn rite, All Hallow's Night Before the Faery King!
15.
Pagan Halloween (Instrumental) 03:54
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Pagan Halloween I start to feel less Pagan-- I can't bear the Sun God's face! My Goddess named me Raven For Herself, in death-winged grace. Gods, I feel so basic! I'm too goth for Ren Faire gowns And vampires write my music Not these elves in leafy crowns. "You're awfully sure that Faerie's sheen Rejects your dreaming Dark. I ride the sky on Halloween, Give the ghostly Moon her spark!" Oh my god, this badass Fae is frightening! But His stories all make so much sense? (My Horned One could be "escort of the grave," but good Sir, you're so intense!) And He shines, like ancient stars and lightning Riding closer in my Craft and dreams...! Waking all the dead within their barrows--and the tattered Veil gleams! Think I drew You down one night at Samhain!-- Think I've written You a thousand hymns! How I longed to hear the wild hoofbeats! Stuck at home, my jack-o-lantern dims... I'm so good at pretending "I forgot" when I'm afraid-- But my heart goes up like kindling Burning each excuse I made For I was running from a faery Hunter With fear I'd given to His sacred flame Singing, "Gentle King of Winter, Sure I do not know Your name!" "Your fears call Me unkind and cold And true I can be grim-- Come drink the Deep your poems hold! Fill your chalice to the brim!" Oh my god, these consonants are scary! I'll make sure I spell His name just right. (Oh look! A blog by someone who's devoted to the Lord of All Hallows' Night.) And He smiles, my Winter King of Faerie: "It's alright now, for My quarry's won." (Reading her adoring lore, I melted like a ghost in November sun.) And I'm faceblind, but Your hair shone silver So I knew You in these dreams of Rain! And You held me on the tear-stained swingset Giving beauty to my grief and pain. And I would dedicate myself forever To Your path, my inspiration's Heart! Blessed be, my otherworldly Sire! With Your blessing, may the ritual start! Like a Witch I work at Halloween: Let the Moon shine like a pumpkin lantern! Sound Your Horn below from realms unseen! Lighting candles, I begin to chant-- Turn these misty shadows radiant!
16.
Nos Galan Gaeaf (Instrumental) 03:40
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Nos Galan Gaeaf I sit on the ground and I'm watching the Moon Her low ghostly crescent in Halloween skies. By the altar I bound me, with incense all strewn-- In the dark, candles sparkle like tears in my eyes! Bear witness tonight! I have spoken my rite! And called out to Gwyn in my solemn delight To make Him my vows as the night creatures croon So I dream on my broom where the Wild Hunt flies! The Goddex and Horned to this table have bourn me-- I welcomed Them here, set with prayer beads adorned Their blessing to bring to my chanting and singing! I'm vowing myself ever more to the King! O come, Faery King! For I bring everything All the bitter and sweet To lay at Your feet! And weep as I pray: I am Yours from today! On the ground kneeling down Where the grass withers brown-- For Winter is here and my promise fulfilled! I sit and just feel, with my doing all stilled. And I flop on the grass, as I laugh in my bliss! I was His long ago, and I heard church bells toll. (A plane loudly passes) I've waited for this! There are roots winding deep, binding Him through my soul! My heart and my song To Gwyn they belong! There's no going back--and the bell tolls, ding dong! In the Circle I've cast, how abyssal Your kiss! As we ride on Your steed through the skies black as coal. The Lady and Lord unto magick restored me! They welcomed me home--They're the Godds I've adored. From Their loving embrace no spell can erase me But here as Gwyn's awenydd-- this is my place. O come, Winter's Flame For I'm calling Your Name! To Gwyn, son of Nudd Myself I bequeath!-- In mist moon and shade Where I wait unafraid, For the sound of Your wings For Your breath Winter brings! For Faerie draws near on this Halloween night... You told me I'm Yours, long ago--You were right. The Faery King, He's my Heart of Gold! Who rules this rite? Just my Soul's Delight. He fills the Cauldron with joy untold And who but my King of Faerie? And who but my King of Faerie? O come, ancient Light! I am Yours from tonight! This mead burning sweet I pour at Your feet Where stars ring the Moon In Your cloak shining strewn! Eerie bells, far away: I am Yours from today! With wisdom You teach and kindness You give I want to be Yours for as long as I live!

about

Midway through 2019, my Horned God told me His name: Gwyn ap Nudd, Welsh Faery King, Lord of the dead and of the Wild Hunt, Brythonic ruler of the Otherworld. Thirteen days later, He invited me to dedicate myself to Him. So for the next two months I prepared intensively, until making my lifelong vows on Nos Galan Gaeaf (Halloween). These songs tell the story of that journey, and all except the last were written before that holy rite of dedication. It was the most terrifying and wonderful thing I have ever done.

I write about my experiences as a queer trans dedicant of Gwyn ap Nudd at my blog, starstruckawenydd.wordpress.com.

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released October 31, 2020

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Thornsilver Hollysong image

Thornsilver Hollysong Los Angeles, California

Thorn is a Brythonic & Minoan Polytheist with Wiccan roots. He writes about gender, witchcraft, and other gothy fantastical things. Some of his songs are set in the world of his stories, while others tell of his own experiences as a gay nonbinary trans man and a witch devoted to Gwyn ap Nudd.

He's also been known as Rain and Dusk. ... more

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