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After My Vows (Love Songs from a New Godspouse)

by Thornsilver Hollysong

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1.
The Tryst 05:10
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Could this be the Castle of ice and bone Where the Deep One sleeps in His halls alone? The bright sky twinkles through trellis leaves Through silver hair, golden sunlight weaves God of mine Warmly shining Think I'm drunk on Your smile like faery wine Gracious Lord Hear my adoring And my music starts with a merry chord My Faery Lord Nakedly sacred, I'm taken, awakening Wide-eyed, beguiled, unbridled and guileless Starfilled and moonchilled, my breath stilled, and willing Lovestruck I blush at Your touch, and You're wonderful! I can't stop glowing--I watch the bees They're safe in Your garden from Winter's freeze You're spilling like honey--my central nerve Connecting my soul to the God I serve Lake of dreams Silver gleaming Holy wells rise and fill me from crystal streams Holy doom All consuming I've been borne in Your star-filled Abyssal Womb In crystal gloom Can I brush Your hair as it gleams like an Elvenking? Whitesilver waterfall, mist-hidden moonlight Breath stolen, cheeks flushed from the fire, I watch You Lean back on my trembling knees, eerie and beautiful Glinting in Winter, Your tenderness kindles me Soul broken open, devoted in poetry Panting, enchanted--You dance, fierce and fanciful Wanted and taunting me, dauntless and haunting...! "I dare you to touch Him that burns in your breast Sweet child, cradled against His chest Trembling with daydreams, come give Him your trust And melt in His flames as you crumble to dust." Starlight chimes The Ghost Moon is climbing Annwfn drowns my Reason for Rhymes Eternal Flame I'm singing Your Name! And nothing I dream of is ever the same Since Winter came...! Burning and surging, in purple dusk fervent You hallow the gall I will call on to follow You Brave for Your favor, in ravenous savoring Twining inspired, my Sire's delight There's a chair by the window where hummingbirds pass In gardens I grow from Annuvian seed The sun on the glass turns to molten brass My heart full of roses His thorns make to bleed All somber, I dream of my Halloween mass My vows on my lips tasted sweeter than mead Lord of mine Sweetly shining I’m a bud on Your honeysweet vine
2.
Secret Valentine 02:49
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I can't tell other Pagans that I love You like we're lovers There are roses on my altar, whispered prayers beneath the covers Red paper hearts and glitter glue Gold and silver rounds of lace My poetry and dreams of You The beauty of Your death-bright face Is there Awen to express the wine-sweet depths of my adoring? Take my heart as Your libation--down to Annwn feel it pouring! My Deity, my Valentine Let me worship at Your feet tonight Make my heart Your lovestruck shrine My Soul's Desire, Soul's Delight Like a sharpied rune Like hymns I croon I feel You breathe the misty Moon My snow-crowned King My Everything Beloved, hear Your servant sing Watch me scatter flowers in my worship as I daydream Lose myself in eyes where stars like candles far away gleam Dancing when there's no one there My heart-shaped Dragons catch the light With hands outstretched to empty air I feel my God embrace me tight.
3.
Won't You Dance 04:07
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Glimmer gloss and shimmer at the Faery Ball Sparkling shadows darkling as the moonbeams fall Dreaming glinting gleaming--we are strangers all Dancing and romancing as the King's bells call I stand still and shy As they twirl around They won't tell me why But I'm Underground Black shade, silver mist In a raven's mask His lips brush my wrist And I hear him ask "Won't you come and dance with me below the Faery Moon? The Witching Hour chimes--I hear the King is coming soon And he might give you roses and the poet's Mystery So come and take a chance--come out and give this dance to me!" Twirling, shadows furling--here's the Faery Ball Falter--there's an altar where my heart's held thrall Stranger, hear this changeling, as you loom so tall! The Dancer gives his answer and the masks all fall. Like owl's moonsoft wing He stills, haunted grace "Do you know the King? I don't know his face." As I tremble and tarry He smiles, twinkling "Take heart and be merry-- I'm the Faery King! "Won't you come and dance with me below the Faery Moon? The Witching Hour chimes--All Hallows' Night is coming soon And I shall give you roses and the poet's Mystery Come out and take a chance!--and all your life, come dance with me." The dancers shimmered 'round us and he held me as I cried-- "I've waited near forever, and I know you, deep inside And here at midnight's Faery Ball, I'll take your hand and dance! And I will live a lifetime that the Faery King enchants." "Won't you come and dance with me below the Faery Moon? The Witching Hour chimes--I'm bringing Winter to you soon. The Rose Forever Blooming--I'm the poet's Mystery Come out and take a chance--come out and give this dance to me!"
4.
Greensleeves (He's My Heart of Gold) 05:06
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In woods so deep where the acorns sleep For from Winter's chill they are hiding I walked that wood where the oak trees stood And I met a Lord there riding. He rode with grace and I knew his face Though I had no reason to know him-- The songs I sing have crowned him King With a pathway of stars strewn below him. Gwyn, Gwyn, he is all my joy! Gwyn, Gwyn, he is my Delight! Gwyn, he is my Heart of Gold! And who but my King of Faerie? Where mushrooms grow from their worlds below I sat to hear what he told me. He'd come to ask if I knew my task, If the answer I gave him would hold me. He caught my hand: "Do you understand? This cord can never be broken." I called him Sire and Soul's Desire His Name forever unspoken. Gwyn, Gwyn, he is all my joy! Gwyn, Gwyn, he is my Delight! Gwyn, he is my Heart of Gold! And who but my King of Faerie? "The hour nears when my Hunt appears And it's you, the soul we are hounding. So hear me well! For at midnight's bell You can't run when the Horncall is sounding." His words pierced deep and I started to weep For I knew I must finally face him And yearning burned as his Name returned To my lips, and I rose to embrace him. Gwyn, Gwyn, you are all my joy! Gwyn, Gwyn, you are my Delight! Gwyn, you are my Heart of Gold! And who but my King of Faerie? Gwyn, Gwyn, you are all my joy! Gwyn, Gwyn, you are my Delight! Gwyn, you are my Heart of Gold! And who but my King of Faerie?
5.
Dragonsong 03:27
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Sometimes You're a Dragon In a burning cavern You were Ice, now You're Fire--first glaciers, now magma and burning coals You step with the footsteps of gold once I dreamed in my childhood From the bones in the cave with the raven--I fled to the Upper World All day, Your eyes have seemed strange, like a serpent or faery lights You smile at my marveling stare: "These are My Dragon Eyes." I feel like we're Dragons You and me, entwining Are You white, or red? Black or green? I don't know, but You keep me warm On the bridge of a silver starship, I'm hit with a psychic trance There's a desert planet--by nuns I'm led to a Dragon Dance Like dinosaur eggs, I am, or I bear You, a Dragon Child On the bridge, You wake me, and red spikes pale to silver hair One Song at the End of the World One Song from the Well of my Heart One ember You pull from Your Flame Reminding my heart that I'm loved It's scary to lie here and feel You're teaching my soul to be held Safe in my Dragonlove's coils Breathing His fire in my chest You open the Doorway To the Dragon Cavern Gently You lead me by rough stony walls to the Well of Stars "I chased you with nightmares and taught you to know Me with fearless eyes I'll teach you to open your heart to the Flame of the Universe My Dragon-beloved, come look in the Cauldron of Memories! For sometimes we're Dragons, and sometimes I kindle with Dragons' Flame."
6.
Light of the Mist 05:41
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Dream dark roses climb this manor I'm the ghost who haunts the crumbling spire In black lace branches, ravens clamor I'm the Moon who burns with faerie fire This World bore dreams like a velvet shiver There's a door in the tomb I cannot break So I called to my friend from beyond the River To crack your heart like a sweet sharp stake "Light of the Mist... Ghost of the Void..." I found you sleeping, in black flowers carved in ice "His love He kissed, The curse destroyed." You dragged it deeper, like a World to sacrifice. I've come to this World of deep velvet dreaming In the hues of your heart, dark as moonlight gleaming To the graveyards you locked with a rose-twined gate Where the stories in time-frozen midnight wait I'm the strange Faery King in your moonlit ballroom I'm the Rose dyed in dusk and the music calling And my shadow has haunted you all this time Like a ghost when the bells of the Raven chime. Silhouettes filled with stars are dancing I remember the dreams of a dusk-drawn maiden And I'll be the vampire prince, romancing Her heart, on a bier with black roses laden Find me the song of an ancient fable As dried petals blow past a weathered grave The Moon spills like wine on the altar table I'm here, all the Worlds of your soul to save. "Undying red... Deep Winter black..." I am returning what you loved to you, dear heart. "He kissed the dead To bring me back." Ghost stars are burning in your soul's Inspired art. Come to the ballroom of waltzing shadows Stars dust your skin and the crystal windows My Soul is the Moon and the Night's Abyss The Deep Dream who gave you his blood-stained kiss And I am a World of undying Faerie Bring me the roses your gravestones bury Sweet changeling prince in a witch's spell Can I be your Love in the tales you tell? "Light of the Mist... Ghost of the Void... When He kissed the prince, his soul was overjoyed. "Undying red... Deep Winter black..." Your stories said the King is coming back. Just like the Star Who gave His wings: Agape scarred By the thorns He brings... I've come tonight (This dance to take) The Lord of Light (This spell to break) Time slowly wakes where the Hunter's prowling Snow, mist and moon--hear the wolfsong howling Breathe as I kiss you to life once more Tell me the stories you dreamt before Will you be my dusk-rose, just like your namesake? "Beloved," you're called--make the ghostly flame wake! And I'll be the King at your midnight ball We'll dance where the moonbeams of Faerie fall.
7.
The Lord of the Dead 06:51
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Veils of moonlight come falling Through columns of night filled with stars in my bedroom Roses drip dark in this mansion Where chandelier candles burn red And You said, "You're safe in this chamber Inflamed with the pain of My fangs as you're bleeding In lust and devotion and terror For Faerie I claimed you with maddening need "Red roses fall At the vampire ball One kiss--I bewitch My eternal thrall Thorns mark your skin Where My teeth sank in Rise up from your grave! Let the revels begin! "(The churchyard can't hold you, Inspired of Gwyn.) "Drink deep of this chalice, the bittersweet brew The blood of your Lover poured out unto you As poetry's wine stains your lips holly red The witch Heaven lost to the Lord of the Dead! Whispers of satin and spiderweb lace Sing Me a song in our poisoned embrace!" So I pour out my veins when You ask me to bleed The soul I surrender You take for Your mead Laughing You feast at Your table Where grave-facing windows bring stars to Your chamber You grab me to dance by the mantle Your antlers of Midwinter's Flame "Say My Name!" Like these lines we've been inking When You're drinking the raptured delight of my spirit And I call to my Gwyn as I shiver Driven to own that I'm kinky and queer...! "Red roses strewn By the vampire moon Bones crawl to the King for a desperate boon! Dance on your string You sweet helpless thing-- Dance in My arms as Her black birds sing! "(No one can save you from Faerie's King.)" A serpent, You rear at the altar call I'm stuck in the Garden before the Fall You give me an apple and smile so sweet Forsaking their warnings, I take it and eat Your fangs bite like roses--I bleed at Your kiss "The sacred is carnal," You sigh with a hiss "Relax in My coils--I'll squeeze till you bruise What care has your Church for the witches they lose?" A whisper seducing the darkness You're never impartial You hunt with Your Heart And You told me I'm Yours (I believe You) All blushing and fevered You teach me to breathe And all sacred and trembling, I bleed In ardent delight as one starving, I marvel So held to Your chest, make me feed And take me wherever You lead! "Be bold in My Court--you have nothing to fear You're safe with My Mercy to cover you here And woe to the fool who would vye with your King His rule should be highest in everything! I don't have a creed of Original Sin Be honored to say you belong to your Gwyn! I'm rarely the things other Pagans extol So come, let Me drink of you, body and soul! Blinded by roses, be Thorn who is Mine."
8.
Confessions of a Godthrall 05:22
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On the floor by Your chair in Your feasting Hall Black marble burns cold on my knees Faerie's King, bright as moonlight, He rules us all And owns me, and everyone sees I'm enthralled At Your altar Heart burning hollow for Cauldrons I swallow I've crawled Halting collared Bleeding sharp as You're carving Your Name on my heart I'm tired of hiding that Gwyn is my Master I'm sick of pretending there's nothing obscene Disguising my blushes and crushing my lust Scared to death other pagans will judge me unclean But You blinded the eye which watched others in terror Help me surrender, Red Rose of Delight! Burning with Beauty too brilliant to bear You pierce me with thorns and I groan when they bite Flinty black whorls of ink fill my chill bare skin I wonder at stories they tell You yank on my chain with a sharp fae grin Enraptured, I'm under Your spell West Wind What madness You kindle! Torture me tenderly--make me surrender! As drums Overcome me, I crumble The warnings all shorn for the sound of Your Horn I'm sick of pretending the sky might be empty The Otherworld grabbed me, as real as the stones I pray to the Hunter who breathes down my neck For I feel His drums in my heart and my bones My skeptical doubt You have slain with Your dagger You smiled and gathered me close: "It's ok. I'll teach you to Know with a child's sweet trust-- Feel humankind's Reason flow gushing away." For the bird in my chest There's a cage of gold I've never confessed To the chain You hold Desire, Delight I'm a sacred thrall With Master tonight At His Faery Ball "Don't tell them until you can own without shame Your submission and worship look almost the same. Don't fret--I will teach you to honor My Name!" Devotion pours out like my blood from Your Cauldron I trust You to ruin me, Lord of my song Forgiving my heart when it trembles with fear But I'm safe at Your feet and it's here I belong And You smile, and melt me in sweet shameless rapture Like veils of moonlight, Your hair 'round me falls Teach me to honor my heart and my skin For deeply they know when Your Otherworld calls And me, I am Thorn, whom the Mist King enthralls.
9.
Thorn of Gwyn 04:13
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It takes me by surprise For I was always Rain before My Name of misty silver skies Where whisp'ring veils sweetly pour I'm Thorn whose bloodred roses Bloom to blind the eye You claimed Around my neck the collar closes I must serve You unashamed I'm belov'd and owned by Gwyn I write His Name across my skin My soul entwined into His own I made my vows to Him alone This rose-Thorn serves the Holly King And He's the reason I must sing He's my Awen downward spilling All my craft and music filling You told me You've a Rose When I met You in that song Bright red in silver snows Your Rose, it blooms all Winter long And I willingly surrender Trusting even as I fear Because You're gentle when I'm tender-- "Tremble sweetly in Me, dear." I was Rain and now I'm Thorn You carve Your Name in skin You've torn Please rear me up and make me wise, Your boy with roses in his eyes! I lay them down, the rules I've known Thisworldly laws, before Your Throne Down to Annwn humbly reaching In the ways my God is teaching You watch me lie down by Your fire At Your feet under roses I bear In service and holy desire As Your fingers card soft through my hair And as I stare at crackling flames They seem to whisper both our Names To You alone I made my vows For You my dreaming soul shall rouse You're "Someday's Prince" I've spoken of And I've been waiting for You, Love Winter Rose, be mine forever Soul's Delight and deepest treasure!
10.
Reunion 05:41
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Was I a monk or mystic? Did I meet You? Was I a cunning man or woman? Did I know You? Was I a heretic or witch who dared to greet You? And for me, to put the holy Church below You? There's a cross on the tree-lined skyline I'm sipping coffee as I watch the window glass On the sidewalk, there's my holy King Inside me, distant church bells ring Mournful, as they're calling me to Mass There's a cross--I don't see the steeple In the poignant dusk I feel a pang of loss You're taller than a man could be-- Your antlers, like an ancient tree Branch out and cover up the distant cross On the roads or fields, would You chase me? For forgotten bonds, You came to hunt me In my fear and passion, You embrace me And I thrill to feel how much You want me I feel You when the Pagans start their drumming We writhe and chant beside the leaping flames The shadows flicker smoky gold You're dancing, primal deep and old My Horned One calls His people by our Names I'm here to dance the music that You taught me I'm here to show Your people where You tread Reweaving Worlds they forced apart This Circle breathes with You its Heart A place for both the living and the dead In the barrow dark You call my name And glitter in the weaver's frame He served You with ancestral dreams She chanted by the moonlit streams Annwfn's Child, call me home My stories sleep in a sealed tome And me, I know for all my days I'll give the Faery King my praise! Between the beats of Time I feel You breathing And while I live, my soul is in Your care The Lord of song and poetry The Soul of wind and rain and sea And when I die, I know You'll guide me there You sparkle like a dream I half remember I wonder if I've met You here before You blossom red, my Winter Rose Beneath all words, my spirit knows And so I turn to follow You once more.
11.
So Saith the Lord 04:43
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I gave My love an enchanted ring For he bears the heart of the Winter King Sing Me a song of the vows you took On Halloween, in a storybook All sweet and brave, My witch, he gave His soul to Me, the soul I save I'll love him till the dreaming grave Until I take the soul he gave I ride tonight Bright as faerylight While the Moon burns gold, and My hair burns white! Don't fret, My love, I'll remember you There's nothing I would rather do I gave My love a silver cord For he bears the heart of Annwfn's Lord Come sing devotion to Death so pale On Halloween, like a fairytale All free and glad, in midnight clad You gave Me everything you had Unafraid of dreaming mad-- I come in regal glory clad I'll sound My Horn And the Veil is torn! The Hunt rides on till the pale morn! My love, come make your vows to Me There's nowhere I would rather be Come and be Mine Come and be Mine Give Me your forever Come and be Mine Come and be Mine Come and be Mine Give Me your forever Come and be Mine! Come hear My call Come spirits all! And ghosts rise up as the dead leaves fall I’ll consecrate the vows you take And seal the vow I’m here to make I'll sound My Horn And the Veil is torn! The Hunt rides on till the pale morn! My love, come make your vows to Me There's nowhere I would rather be I ride tonight Bright as faerylight While the Moon burns gold, and My hair burns white! Don't fret, My love, I'll remember you There's nothing I would rather do.
12.
As I Made My Vows (It Felt Like a Wedding) 02:06
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There are bells sweet ringing in my head There are bells sweet ringing in my head As I make my vows unto the Lord who rules the dead There are bells sweet ringing in my head! At this holy altar here I kneel At this holy altar here I kneel As I make my vows in my devotion and my zeal At this holy altar here I kneel! I am watched by witnesses unseen I am watched by witnesses unseen As I make my vows, below the moon of Halloween I am watched by witnesses unseen! There are Gods here giving me away There are Gods here giving me away As I make my vows, They've come to cheer me as I pray There are Gods here giving me away! I am His for as long as I shall live I am His for as long as I shall live As I make my vows, with all my heart and soul to give I am His for as long as I shall live! I am His for as long as I shall live! I am His for as long as I shall live!
13.
Just a Life with You 05:35
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And I realized, for all of this lifetime You’ll be right here With tea full of witchcraft You sit by the window Where sunbeams appear Bunches of herbs fill my cottage I’m brewing a song “Come sit at the table--” You gesture and smile. “It’s coming along. “And the night we vowed Ah! the bells rang sweet As I broke the shroud For My love to meet! To My love, My own All the years you live In blood and bone My Heart I give.” And it makes me cry Like a lullaby You’ll be my God till the day I die! In mist and rain and winter sky We’ll dance for always, You and I It makes me grin Let the moon fall in! I’ll spend this life of mine with Gwyn! No longer still while the dancers spin Waiting till fairytales begin... And I realized, there won’t be an ending I live for You now And post-Dedication, It makes me so happy To live by my vow! Come drink of this honeymoon feeling That warm golden glow Five months or ten decades, I’ll be Your Inspired, Wherever I go! And You take my hand Saying "Come, lie down Where the fruit trees stand Each with blossoming crown-- In the winter sun Under apples sweet With our hair undone And our joy complete." This silver ring I wear for my King Reflects my dreams and the love they bring Love for the One who bids me sing Who threads my heart on a silver string The gibbous moon This afternoon Turns golden at the low-voiced croon Of wind, like some unearthly tune Or wild blossoms, wanton strewn... And You said, "I'm yours forever And I'll never stop conspiring That My witch should live so richly-- You bewitch Me, Heart's Own Fire! For I'm also dedicated And we're fated here together And I'll be with you forever Mine to love and to inspire." And I know tonight I will bear Your light Forever, blessed with moonbeams bright My God, my Other, icy White Your glory burns in my othersight! And should I cry There's a lullaby You sing until my teardrops dry I dream of stars in a forest sky I dream we watch them, You and I.

about

This album was created as part of the RPM challenge in February 2021. I have picked 13 songs written in the early months after dedicating myself to Gwyn ap Nudd. (My dedication, which took place in October 2019, is the subject of my album Before the Rite). This album tells the story of how I found the courage to admit openly that I love Gwyn not just as my Patron God, but also as my Lover and Husband, and that my dedication to Him was also a wedding.

Unlike my other albums which were created using MuseScore, without a human performer, I recorded this album with my own vocals and piano playing. This took some courage, as I'm a perfectionist, and adding the human element makes it hard to reach perfection. Due to the limitations of my technical knowledge, I recorded each song in one take, using the Voice Recorder app on my phone. As such, you may hear minor mistakes and the occasional ambient noise. Nonetheless, I believe the passion I put into this music makes up for the imperfections.

Contains sexual themes (including sacred kink), violent imagery, trauma, abuse, mental illness, and ordeal work, mentions of alcohol.

If you'd like to know more about my journey with Gwyn ap Nudd, follow me at Starstruck Awenydd: starstruckawenydd.wordpress.com

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released March 2, 2021

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Thornsilver Hollysong image

Thornsilver Hollysong Los Angeles, California

Thorn is a Brythonic & Minoan Polytheist with Wiccan roots. He writes about gender, witchcraft, and other gothy fantastical things. Some of his songs are set in the world of his stories, while others tell of his own experiences as a gay nonbinary trans man and a witch devoted to Gwyn ap Nudd.

He's also been known as Rain and Dusk. ... more

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